I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
