Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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