There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
