perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
