Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
