6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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