wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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