hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
