ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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