Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize