Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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