You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Holy shit dude........stairs
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
