I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
