She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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