u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
