She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
