would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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