i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
