i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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