I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
