I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
