You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
