You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
