Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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