just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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