He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
