i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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