so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
