I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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