And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
