hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
