True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
