I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
