Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
