Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
