last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
