so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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