He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
