shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
