carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
