remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
