I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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