I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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