I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
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Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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