i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she told me i tasted like america
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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