if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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