Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
did i just pee glitter
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
