New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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