why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
