And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
