You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
