i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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