if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry about my life...
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