Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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