It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
sarcasm needs its own font
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
