oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
