It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
