any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm having to shit out rocks
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
