pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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