True but thats because hes a fetus.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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