overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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