seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
