i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
