I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
