so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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