I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
