I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
