So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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