burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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