i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
