my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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