im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just want to make out with him forever
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
