I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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