when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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