Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this just has baby written all over it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
