Can Purell be used as lube?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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