i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
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