i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
