there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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