The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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