then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
