I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize