did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
