I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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