Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
