What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
