Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
