theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
