I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
