i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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