you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
