i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
