k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
