he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
