I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
