The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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