I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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