You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
